A different kind of cultural clash

(NB! Not for sensitive people!)

Tim had to go to the office today, while I was at home working. On the way back, he walked through China town, where he was more or less attacked by a tiny Chinese woman.

She -You have wife or daughter?

Tim -Yes, I have a wife. (Thinking she was trying to marry off some distant relative or something.)

She -Then you have to buy latest thing in China. Very popular with women. All women drink it.

Tim -Ok? (Very uncertain.)

By then, the woman had started to get very pushy, and Tim decided that he better pick up on the offer, or there would be consequences from the Chinese Mafia. Also, parting with a pound seemed like the easiest way out of the situation.

So, Tim came home with three tubs (?) of the latest thing from China - vely populal with women... jelly juice! Yes, people, you read it right! I'm not sure whether it is juice in jelly, or jelly in juice, but it is suspicious and scary no matter which.

Obviously, I had to try it. Tim had bought 3 of them - orange, peach and mango. I decided to opt for the orange, as it seemed the least likely to be off-putting. How wrong I was! When "pouring" it into a glass, there were first a few drops of yellow liquid, and then a "long string" of jelly (later on it came in small pieces). Topping it up, it looked nothing less than a glass of slightly discoloured spunk! (Although getting it out of the container was more like squeezing zits - sorry, I warned you!)

I don't know about the rest of you - but jelly juice will definitely not be a hit in my books. But, if anyone is interested - there is still peach and mango here for you to try...

One of those calls

Tim was out and about, and I was at home working when the phone rang.

-Hello?

-Hello, how are you? (In very heavy Indian accent, think Apu in the Simpsons.)

-I'm fine thank you, and you?

-I am very well, thank you. Thank you so much for asking. [Oh, for God's sake, just get on with it. You know I don't want to talk to you!] Can I please speak to mrs B?

-Eh, noooo, she is not in at the moment. Can I take a message? [Hehehe, very sneaky!]

-Oh, eh, no, I was just calling about her bank account. I will try again later. Thank you!

And this is when I want to scream - HA! You are not calling about my bank account! Although that would be kind of obvious... But 1) We do not have separate bank accounts, and they would definitely ask for Dr B first 2) My only personal accounts are in Sweden, and why the heck would they have an Indian guy calling me? 3) There's no way on earth a bank would call you on a Saturday.

So, sorry Apu. No business for you!

Stating the obvious

Sometimes I wonder about the labels producers put on their goods. I mean, come on!? New season?

Yes, well, I rather hope that I don't get last year's strawberries, but I also think it would be pretty obvious if I did!

Time to celebrate

Happy birthday, mum. And happy nameday to grandma and me!

I remember clearly the first time I had a nameday after getting together with Tim:

Me (fishing for something) -It's my nameday today. Shouldn't you do or say anything?

Tim (confused) -Eh, happy nameday?

Me (honest) -Thanks!

Tim (still confused) -So, what is a nameday anyway? Is it like a birthday?

Me (a bit distant) -Yeah, exactly like a birthday.

Tim (worried) - So, you get like presents and stuff?

Me (unfortunately sounding surprised) -Presents? Yeah, eh... sure!

I'm sorry to say that Tim didn't buy it. And I still only have one birthday, instead of four... Bummer!

Just one wish

May the person who invented white kitchen counter tops die a slow and painful death and rot in hell for all eternity.

(We are having a friend staying for a few days. I have been left to do the cleaning. Oh, joy!)